so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
