He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
