i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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