I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
