Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
