I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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