he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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