just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
