Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
