I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
