I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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