I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
