made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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