I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
