apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
