He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
