ya dads aren't the best wingmen
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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