The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
