All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
