What did we do last night that was yellow?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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