she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
