Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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