Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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