There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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