U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
