I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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