You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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