My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
