He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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