my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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