i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
