K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
