just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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