Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
