We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
