I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
