Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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