But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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