Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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