i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm just crazy horny about you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
