just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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