Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
