Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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