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I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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