I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
