I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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