He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
