So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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