If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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