i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am midnight drunk by noon
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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