Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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