Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize