After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
