I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
