just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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