The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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