Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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