He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
