My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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