Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i out mim tonsoeep
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