If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
