that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
