OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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