is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just blew my weed a kiss
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
