i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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