So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
