I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is the high leading the old right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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