oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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