And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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