She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
