Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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