I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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