Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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