I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
