This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
