and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
