Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
