I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize