i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
